i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
