really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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