i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
