So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
