I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
