I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You need a sexual gate keeper
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
