in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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