i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
