omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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