Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
