I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
