Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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