she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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