1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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