Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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