??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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