Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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