the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think my moral compass just broke
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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