I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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