just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
