Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
