If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
