You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize