i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
