apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
