If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
