We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
