i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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