I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
