I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
