I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
