put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
