You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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