Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
