I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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