I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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