these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
