i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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