Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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