i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
