Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
