my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
