@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
