census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
