Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
