Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize