Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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