HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
