yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
