Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
