3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
