He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
