his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
