I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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