In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
