We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
