I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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