I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
