I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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