I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
there is glitter all over my balls
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize