I love black thongs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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