I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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