Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
