amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We left the knife in your bed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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