Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
