i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
