I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
